Intuition vs. EI-Intent & Impact

When we discuss Emotional Intelligence I often feel confused about my ability. When it comes to having a sense of wisdom concerning the dynamics of a group or between individuals I feel like I have a very sharp intuition. I often have a sense of what is coming or going on beneath the surface of a given exchange or relationship. There are times as a leader that I make a call about what move to make and have more of a gut feeling than an ability to explain my reasoning to those who I am trying to influence. In such cases trust is all I have. I feel like a dancer that is responding and moving naturally and feeling and sensing my way along. This seems like a real strength to me. What is difficult for me is dealing personally with other peoples emotional state or adapting my approach to an individuals state. There are many ways that me leadership fails because I approach different people in the same way. I am well aware of the foolishness of doing this and yet constantly walk in a posture of strength and firmness with people. For some people this works well and provides them with a sense of security and confidence that they are looking for while others can't help but bow up against such a posture. I need to be careful not to allow my tendency to speak with more force than is needed to destroy my influence in the lives of those whom I am trying to serve.
I have recently begun a friendship with someone who makes this tendency more clear to me than most,I have been constantly challenged and unable to take anything for granted. I am thankful to God for a relationship that is taking more attention than most and which is forcing me to be intentional in building trust and relational capital. It is illuminating my shortcomings in so many ways and I am praying that God will use this experience to help me grow and better lead those whom he has entrusted to me. My intent and impact are often far from each other and I am learning why my style of leadership has only worked well with certain people. I have spoken in monotone and failed many more sensitive folks.